he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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