12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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