you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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