Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
