please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I have surprise drugs for everyone
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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