do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize