I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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