someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
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Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
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I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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