Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
