I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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