its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
