yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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