Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
