it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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