Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
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He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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