That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
