What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
