My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
