So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
