sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
