I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I understand Curling. That high.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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