everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
