She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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