So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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