I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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