Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
