After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
