ya dads aren't the best wingmen
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
