The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
