So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
