All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
