Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
