I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
foreskin is a definite game changer
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
