nut hugger
You just made me feel so damn special
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
