masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize