remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
