Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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