I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
