If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.