you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved