Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
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He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.