So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him