My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
