Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
