So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
