Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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