I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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