I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
