it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
