Three words: puerto rican gang bang
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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