I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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