so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
