im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i think i have herpe
just one?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
