my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
