Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
