I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
