mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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