I think scott just propositioned me for sex
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
