im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
