I'm lost and stupid without you.
i already hear my dad disowning me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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