Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
