drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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