Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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