I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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