i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
