This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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