a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
