Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
